if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
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