He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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