mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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