So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
