Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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