I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
