So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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