wakey wakey hands off snakey
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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