Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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