Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Randomize
