Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Randomize
