my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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