just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
okay pat passed out under dana's car
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
