He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
