How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
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