we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
