the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
