I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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