i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
