she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
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