Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
