I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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