On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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