He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
This gyro tastes like lonliness
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I have already put on my inside pants.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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