Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize