I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
