if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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