I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
