3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
