I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
