First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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