she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Randomize
