And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
