I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
