I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
