I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Randomize
