Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
