i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
