It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
