Nicole vs. Life
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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