Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
