The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Randomize
