Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
