saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
