dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
