So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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