Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Who died my cat blue again?
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
