btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
