You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
