I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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