New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
