Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
