So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
