he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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