You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
