I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Randomize
