I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
