Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
