I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
