There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize
