This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
