i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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