Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
