we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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