Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
