I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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