I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize