the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
