it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
