My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
