Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
