Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Randomize
