Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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