she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
one two three fourrrrnication!
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
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