so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
