Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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