Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize